I have been asked through out my journey about how much exactly I weigh. I have been reluctant to share because I have always been embarrassed of that number and I think my mindset has always been to just never share it no matter what. I didn't tell my husband how much I weighed until I had lost 40 lbs. He had never known my weight until that point because I was ashamed of the number. Now that I have lost 100 lbs, I feel like I can be more open and honestly, I think I just want to get it off my chest and to stop being so worried about what others think.
Another reason I worry is because when I have told someone how much I weigh, they are a little surprised because I don't look like I weigh that much. I know it shouldn't matter, but I have always feared the scale up until losing weight. I have had to slowly change my way of thinking and realize that its okay to admit how much you weigh. People are still going to talk to you and be your friend.
When I got on the scale on Sunday, I weighed in at 185.2. Whew! That feels good to say that. I almost feel a little lighter by the weight of all the worries being lifted. This number is not something I ever thought I'd see. I also didn't think I would still be so worried about my weight when I got to this point. I remember when I started thinking that it would be amazing to break the 200s. Keep in mind, I am 5'7" so I am supposed to weigh somewhere between 130-160. Ideally, I'd like to be 150-160. It's exciting to see myself get closer and closer to that number. So close that my goal is not just a dream but actually a reality.
Weight is funny though. The closer I get to my goal, the less the scale moves and I know that I am developing more muscle. I need to keep that in mind when I don't lose anything because of possible muscle gain. I think the next few months, I will rely mostly on how my jeans fit. I just bought a size 10 jean and I hope to be in a size 8 in 2-3 months. I honestly have to sometimes think, is this my life? Because I would never have thought I would be in a size 10.
Now that I finally weigh less than what I lied about on my drivers license, I am realizing how many things I can do. All the donuts and french fries in the world can't give me this happiness.