Whenever I see someone extremely successful at whatever they do, I instantly think they have it all together and nothing in their life is hard. Since they are so amazing, they obviously have never dealt with trials or weakness so that is why they are so successful. Totally false! I quickly realized that once I started to lose weight. I realized how even though we may seem like we have it all together, behind the scenes there is a sink full of dishes, 450 tantrums thrown by both me and my kids, and lots of self-doubt.
I like to keep things real and honest on my blog and social media. I have never wanted to sugar coat or make it seem like I know exactly what I am doing because honestly, I am trying to figure it out just like everyone else. The only difference is I just started sooner at losing weight than someone else. I struggle with food still. Food will always be a weakness of mine. I know that I am a food addict and I have come to terms that for the rest of my life. I just have to monitor that and balance the good and bad. In the beginning, I can remember waking up in the morning, crying because it was so depressing that I would never be able to just eat a cookie and not care. I now consciously decide what foods go into my body because I care about how my body functions and looks which is opposite from the past. I lost weight so fast that now I am having to remind myself not to be afraid of food. For so long, my brain just kept on the path of weight loss, not even caring about unhealthy food whereas now since I have lost this huge amount of weight, I am more comfortable with who I am. I don't sweat a bowl of ice cream once a week. However, that complacency has been difficult to adjust to.
Besides weight loss, I struggle with the desire to have more kids. I want more children, but the selfish thought in my mind is not wanting to give up my hardcore workouts or gain who knows how much weight. Ideally, I plan on working out whenever I have another child and I plan on gaining a healthy amount of weight, but of course plans never go the way you want. I just struggle with the idea of not being in control.
Accepting my body has been hard for me. I want to look perfect. I focus on that goal so much more than I focus on the actual progress that I have made. I honestly do feel good in my skin! I love the way I look. But just like the next person, I have more goals for myself. We all want what we don't have.
Moral of this post is that even though I have lost 100 lbs, I am just like everyone else. I just struggle. I do not have anything together! Realizing this about myself has been much easier to accept and I don't feel like beating myself up over every day. Even though I may not be at my ultimate weight goal, I am pretty close. I have worked pretty hard and recognizing that is just as important as getting there.